someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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