Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Sober January is a disaster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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