just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
