all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
