You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
The uberlube is also flammable
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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