Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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