Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
