I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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