I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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