Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
