Yo dont text me then not text me
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
