Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
