I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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