There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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