I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
This is my life. Enjoy the view
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
