Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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