I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize