come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
