I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
