I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
