Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
