you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
