We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
