my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I woke up under a house in Key West
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
