Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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