Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
