So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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