I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
The air taste purple.
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