you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
