so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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