i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
