i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
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