Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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