I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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