my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
im about as happy as oj after his trial
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
