Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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