kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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