new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
