Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
