Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
