Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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