Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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