Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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