I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
She needs sedatives and a leash
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
