I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
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