We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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