I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
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You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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