I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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