Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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