And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
