So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
