I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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