READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
