Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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