just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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