There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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