alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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