so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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