I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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