somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
My liver just broke up with me...
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
