You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
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