dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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