Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
