you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
