I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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