I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
