My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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