I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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