You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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