Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
