Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
