Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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