im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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