the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
