Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
