Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You took a bar mat shot.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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