Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
