apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
