im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
