just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
