these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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