Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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